SLEEP WINDOW: Animal Loves and Baby's Power of Positivity

I've learned not to waste too much precious baby nap/bedtime sleep time hammering away at the flighty negativity that sets up shop in my mind from time to time.

The good news is that those moments are coming fewer and further between these days. I can thank my little Hambino for not allowing me too much time to harp on bullshit anymore- yet another way that he has made my life a better and more interesting place to exist in.

As a woman who was once apprehensive and skeptical about baby having, I must admit, as a woman changed, I now think everyone should procreate at some point in their lives and experience being a parent. As creators, observers, caretakers, nurturers, life sources, meal tickets...

I once thought I knew a thing or two about being a caretaker and nurturer and "mommy" to my pets. I thought I knew a thing or two about what it means to love something small and all but helpless. I thought I knew a thing or two about what it means to be needed- I mean, really needed.

I know now that I knew NOTHING of the sort. At least not to the degree or severity of what I know now. Pets and baby humans are not even in the same ballpark. Or universe even. No shit right? Sometimes the obvious doesn't seem so obvious until it becomes blatantly obvious that you obviously didn't know shit about the obvious. Obviously.

Sure my pets need me- and I've always loved and spoiled my pets to no end. Talked about them and photographed them and discussed them with other pet fanatics like they were my children. Now that I have a baby and my beloved pets have been knocked down on the totum pole, I'm enlightened in a way that I wasn't expecting. I still love my animal loves- and they will always have a very very special place in my life and heart- but inevitably, they are now just that- my animals. I can't really look at them like my babies anymore. I feel like an asshole saying that, but I have to be honest.

Holding Niles in the cradle position now feels awkward- for both of us. It's strange, but we have a mutual understanding. He has his nest on the couch and comes around when the baby is asleep. He's warming up to Jude a little every day- he naps a little closer to us on the couch each week- but he doesn't hide his jealousy. Gretchen is still constantly underfoot and has accepted her new position as more of Nanny Dog than just merely Doggerson. She has to be up in the mix all the time still, but more observing and watching and trying to contribute with baby care. It's super cute and interesting to experience. I call Jude "her" baby and she seems to enjoy her new responsibility. German Shepards like to have jobs and duty and she loves that baby. D'Arcy for some reason has become extra lovey and present. Not sure what that's about, but it's a nice change from her usual sweetly withdrawn routine. She hangs out in the nursery and rolls around on the floor wanting love when we are in there and enjoys laying next to the baby floor gym while Jude is doing his tummy time.

My dog and cats are being good sports, but they are very appreciative of Jude's early evening bedtime, when they get a few hours of their old life back and they become more of a focus of my attention.

Anyways, concentrating on the positives nowadays. I'm enjoying the peace and a sort of rebirth of innocence that has been therapeutic like nothing I've ever known.

With babies you get to experience youth and life all over again, and everything catty that once dominated valuable thinking time in the past seems pointless and frivolous and stupid. There's not a whole lot that seems worthy of bitching about when the most angelic and priceless and fantastic little being flashes a huge, gummy smile at you- establishing that he/she is beginning to recognize and differentiate you from everyone else in the world as the one who can make it all better...and even if I can't always, I would die trying to.

I'm finding this tricky to deal with as a writer whose source of material always stemmed from cynicism, sarcasm and- dare I say it- negativity?

And now, as I teeter on the edge of launching into a segment about how irritating it is to try to find bras and bathing suits to house these new monster chicas (monster chicas for ME that is) I am trying to make peace with, Jude awakens to remind me of why I am sacrificing comfort in a smaller cup size and baby t-shirts, alcoholic beverage having without fucking with a breast pump all night for the sake of a few beers, and jogging or running upstairs without getting a black eye.